I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
