You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
