So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
