I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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