my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.