I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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