The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.