Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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