When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
