Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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