census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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