Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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