Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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