Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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