Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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