I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want to make out with him forever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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