I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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