It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
