Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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