evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
