Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize