Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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