Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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