You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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