Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
