They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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