Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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