He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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