He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
