is your mom at the bar?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
