the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
