porn star boner night. come get it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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