i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
