it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
