Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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