I could have mohawked her pubes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
