sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
