DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
