I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
