i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
