Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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