I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
id be glad to
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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