so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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