I will die if light touches me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
