You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
