I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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