I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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