just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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