Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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