wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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