On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
