What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
