I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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