I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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