So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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