Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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