omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
