if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
