it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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