i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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