So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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