if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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