You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
