He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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