alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
