Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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