a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
