He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
